Flight at the end of the tunnel

I am not having a very good year.

There have been deaths, illness, broken computers, disappointments and frustrations. And I still have moving back in with my parents to look forward to as well.

At least I have finished my studies, sooner than expected thanks to some successful complaining and bargaining. Now that my slightly dubious diploma is on its way through the mail, I am free to finally begin working on my next novel.

I had everything prepared, ready to dive right in and give myself completely to this new creative venture. I gathered books for research, watched relevant films and scoured the internet for resources. While the core concept of the novel was rock solid, I was struggling to really get a feel for it as a whole. The pieces just weren’t falling into place.

But then something very strange happened. I was seized by an entirely different idea, one that came to me fully realised right from the start. An idea so ludicrous that I don’t even want to share it just yet . If I were to say it out loud, you would laugh. Even I would laugh!

I remember in art class back in high school, I only ever got average grades for the pieces that I poured my heart and soul into. But if I carelessly squished a lump of clay together with no regard for emotional meaning, the teachers would always love it, give me top marks, and put the artless lump in the student art gallery. If HTDC was my deeply personal, heartfelt work, then this next book is going to be the haphazard lump of clay. It’s going to be superficial, ridiculous, like a pulp novel or a B movie or a bubblegum pop song.

It’s going to be fucking awesome.

This is a little hint:

 

And Then Things Got Weird

One time in high school I tried to describe my novel to a friend.

“It’s about a girl who wakes up in a weird town with no memory. She meets this strange boy…”

“Ah,” said my friend, “I know where this is going.”

I smiled. “No, you don’t. You really don’t.”

So, for anyone who has read the first three chapters of HTDC and already thinks they know where it is going, here is a bonus excerpt from where things start to get a little weirder.

***

 

The world tilted. Lycia felt like she was falling even though the ground was still beneath her feet. She pushed against what she thought was the trapdoor above her head, only to find herself stumbling sideways through a heavy door. Aster and Meg burst out behind her and almost pushed her down the long, straight stairwell that they now stood at the top of.

They stared down into the shadows, clinging to each other to keep from falling. The door behind them slammed shut.

“What just happened?” Meg whispered.

“I have no idea,” Aster whispered back.

“Are we still in Greenwood?”

Aster pushed past the two girls and walked down the stairs. “Let’s hope not.”

They came to the base of the stairs and stepped onto floorboards the color of dried blood. The planks of polished wood were placed in a pattern that spiraled into the center of a vast circular ballroom. High above them was a domed ceiling, covered in dripping strands of illuminated crystals. They glimmered and glittered in a kaleidoscope of colors, casting woozy, uneven patterns across the room. The walls appeared to ripple as the colors danced over them. The contrast with Greenwood could not have been starker.

The room was ringed by a raised platform, where dozens of tables sat draped in moth-eaten green tablecloths. In the center of each vacant table was a flickering blue lantern. In the middle of the room was a round stage, the edge fringed with golden lights. On the stage was an enormous grand piano, and over it stooped a tiny man dressed in a gray pinstripe suit. His entire body was covered in brown hair that protruded from the ends of his sleeves and trouser legs. He looked like a dead animal that had been stuffed into a suit and propped up on a stool, only he was very much alive, and playing a gentle melody on the piano.

“I’m dreaming,” Lycia murmured.

“Don’t say that,” Aster said, gazing hungrily at the luminescent ceiling. “If you say that you’ll make it go away.”

“I think I want it to go away,” said Meg, her voice small in the giant room.

“No! This is amazing!” Aster cried. “I feel like I’ve dreamt of this place. I belong here.”

“I don’t know, Aster. This feels wrong,” said Lycia.

Aster grabbed Lycia by her arms. “But you did this,” he said, his eyes shining with crazed excitement. “You’re the one who made this happen. We’re out of Greenwood! If it weren’t for you we’d still be stuck there, but now we’ve escaped to somewhere else, somewhere better. You did this, Lycia. You got us out of there!”

Lycia wrenched herself out of Aster’s grip and backed away from him. “What’s gotten into you? We don’t know where we are or what’s going on. We don’t even know if this is real. All I did was open a door. Even if we are out of Greenwood, what about our parents? What about Dottie? Are you just going to abandon them?”

Aster was breathing hard, a hint of color in his usually pale face. “Of course not,” he conceded.

Lycia studied him warily. At the back of her mind something was eating away at her. Morgan had given her the key. If they had truly escaped Greenwood, then it was Morgan who had allowed it to happen. Lycia knew Morgan wouldn’t just let them leave. There was some other motive here. She wanted to spill her thoughts to Aster before he got too carried away, but thinking of Morgan only reminded her of the kiss she had been told to pass on, so she held her tongue.

“We’re not open yet!” a thundering voice bellowed. To the right of the stage was a bar with an enormous man squeezed in behind it. At his back were rows of brightly colored bottles and glasses stacked high on rickety shelves.

“Sorry,” called Aster. “We didn’t know. We just, uh… ended up here.”

The man sniffed the air, as if analyzing their scent. “Ah, you’re new,” he grumbled. “That explains it. Well, I’ll let it slide this time seeing as we’re opening soon anyways. But don’t be making a habit of it.” He took a filthy rag and commenced wiping down the bar top.

Aster, Meg and Lycia recovered from their shock and tentatively moved down the steps toward the bar. The grotesque details of the bartender came into view. His proportions were so unusual that he barely seemed human. His abnormally large head was perched on a short, tree trunk-like neck that expanded out into broad shoulders and thick, flabby arms. He wore a long-sleeved tunic made from a patchwork of rags and old leather. Around his broad waist was a wide leather belt that held various bottle openers and vials sealed with tiny corks. Aster, Meg and Lycia each sat down on a rickety bar stool, looking up in awe at the bartender’s revolting face. His eyes and half of his mouth had been stitched closed with thick, rough thread.

The bartender wiped his pus-encrusted eyes on the sleeve of his tunic and leaned over Aster. “What do you want?” the bartender asked through the unstitched corner of his mouth.

Aster was unable to answer because he was holding his breath against the sickening stench oozing from the body of the bartender. Meg delicately placed her hand over her nose. Lycia’s eyes watered but she managed to ask, “What have you got? Mr…”

The bartender shuffled around to face her. He leaned close to her as he had done to Aster, sniffing with his wide, hairy nostrils. He peered through his stitches and smiled lopsidedly, a string of saliva jiggling on the edge of his meaty lip. “The name’s Roland,” he said. “And we’ve got whatever you want. But then, most people don’t know what they want. They think they do, but in truth they don’t have the slightest idea. If you can find what it is you truly desire, it will be yours.”

Aster smirked. “That’s a very philosophical thing to say about buying a drink.”

Roland threw back his massive head and laughed, spraying great dollops of spit all over the bar counter. “I wasn’t talking about drinks. But since you mentioned it, would you like one?”

“Uh, alright then,” said Aster.

Roland twisted his arm unnaturally around behind his back to reach a bottle. He placed a glass in front of Aster and poured what appeared to be thick, steaming mud into it.

Lycia raised an eyebrow, looking down into the contents of the glass “So, is that what he truly desires?”

“Perhaps,” said Roland.

Aster looked first to Lycia, who shrugged, then to Meg, who meekly stared back. Lifting the glass to his lips, and looking like he was fighting the urge to retch, Aster took a gulp of the thick brown liquid.

Lycia and Meg watched with concern as Aster placed the glass carefully on the counter. His eyes closed as he swayed from side to side. Then he sighed happily and fell backward off the bar stool. Lycia and Meg leapt up with a cry to try and catch him, but he hovered serenely in midair for a second, before floating gently to the ground like a feather, landing softly on his back without a sound.

Meg crouched over Aster, shaking him gently to wake him. Aster’s eyes snapped open. He stared directly at Meg and said, “I wanna do that again!” Then he burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles.

Roland removed the drink from the bar. “I think that one’s a bit too strong for you, actually.”

Lycia and Meg pulled Aster to his feet. The room fell silent. The hirsute pianist stopped playing and turned to the bar.

“It’s time to open, Roland,” the pianist called out.

Roland nodded, and knocked twice on the counter with a giant, gnarled knuckle. “Here we go,” he said wearily.

At first, only a scattering of strangely dressed patrons sauntered down the stairs, but within minutes there was an avalanche of people—and things that clearly weren’t people—scrambling and slithering down into the great circular room. A raging river of colorful creatures filled the room with fur and frills, suits and satin dresses. There were giant reptilian humanoids, bird-like women covered in feathers, beastly men with tusks and hooves. There were creatures that did not appear to be made of solid matter, which floated like mist, crackled and flickered like flames, or splashed and rippled like water. The patrons hooted and howled with glee, raising a twisted assortment of appendages in the air. The crowd surged in an ocean of tones and hues that Aster, Meg and Lycia had not even known existed.

“Welcome to Bassisha,” Roland said to the wide-eyed trio.

As the patrons milled around the stage, the pianist tapped on the lid of his piano, and four more hairy men climbed out, each holding different instruments of unrecognizable design. They struck up an eerie blues tune that was both familiar and otherworldly. The patrons either began to dance hypnotically or sat at the round tables, buzzing loudly with babbling conversations.

Aster, Lycia and Meg stood at the bar and watched the colorful cavalcade with their mouths hanging open.

“We’re definitely not in Greenwood,” said Lycia.

All Aster and Meg could do was nod.

Sale!

Click the image to buy!

For a limited time, you can get How To Disappear Completely for only 99 cents!

Still not convinced? Here are some things people have been saying about HTDC:

“Extremely well written and anyone who enjoys twisted, confusing and disturbing imagery will also enjoy it.”

“I was intrigued from the very first chapter and still guessing until the very last one. I was thoroughly captivated by the deliciously dark worlds of Greenwood and Bassisha and their strange inhabitants.”

“The inspiration for fantasy is often too personal to have meaning for anyone other than the writer. In this case however the characters are superbly drawn. Their dilemmas are convincing, despite the bizarre setting.”

So, what are you waiting for?

Get it now!

The First Week, So Far

 

It’s only been a few days since I uploaded my novel to Amazon (you can buy it HERE) but already I’m very happy with how it’s going.

I thought it would be scary, putting my little heart and soul out there for anyone to download, but I actually feel incredibly at ease. It’s only in hindsight that I see how miserable the editing process had made me. Now that the book is out there, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The misery was worth it though; I’m confident I have put out my best possible product.

Everyone has been very supportive.  Friends have been ferociously reblogging,  retweeting and facebooking. Entire workplaces have been inundated with emails. I’m pretty sure half the Queensland Government has been notified through their various departments now. Thanks everyone!

I’m going to focus on getting reviews for now. But I only want REAL reviews. I’ve been hearing some awful accounts of indie authors creating multiple fake accounts in order to give themselves a heap of five star reviews. I’ve also seen authors vilify reviewers who have given them a negative review. I don’t want to take part in any of this bullshit. You are allowed to dislike my book. You can even hate it if that’s how you truly feel. I’m prepared to take the good with the bad and I’m not going to embarrass myself by getting in a huff about it.

It’s going to be a long and rather slow road, and I won’t be quitting my day job any time soon. But I knew it would be like this. I’ve never really expected to be a best seller. What I would like, though, is a little bit of cult status. I would love this book to really mean something to people, even if it’s not many people. I want people to connect with it, to see themselves in it, and take comfort in the knowledge that they are not alone.

And then I want them to cosplay as my characters at conventions and write dirty fan fiction!

 

 

HTDC is available now!

How To Disappear Completely is now available to purchase from Amazon.

Click here to buy!

 

Thank you so much to everyone who has followed the blog, tweeted and facebooked with me over the past few months. Your support has been wonderful. As an indie author, I don’t have the benefit of a publicist or marketing team, so every like, retweet and reblog from you guys is a great help and I really appreciate it.

If you enjoy the book (or even if you didn’t but have something interesting to say about it anyway), please consider leaving a review, either on Amazon, Goodreads, or on your  own personal blog. Word of mouth is worth it’s weight in gold, and the more people are talking about HTDC, the more likely it is to succeed.

Thanks again. I hope you enjoy your trip down the trapdoor to the darkest corners of your mind.

Goodreads

Just a quick update to let you know that HTDC is now up on Goodreads.

If you’re looking for some dark and twisted fantasy, why not add it to your books?  You’ll be able to read it very soon!

You can also visit my author page while you’re there.

Keep an eye out for giveaways closer to the release!

Unpopular

 

Sometimes when I’m in book stores, I like to look at some of the YA urban fantasy books that are available. I’m not sure if my book is really YA. It’s certainly at the older end of the spectrum, what with all the sex and violence etc. But if someone was going to put my book in a physical book shop, it would probably end up on the shelves beside these other books.

A lot of the books I’ve looked at all begin their blurbs with a very similar sentence.

“[Insert girl protagonist name] was pretty/popular/perky/sassy/really really ridiculously good looking and had everything a girl could want.”

At which point I immediately put the book back on the shelf.

It’s not that this is a bad opening line or anything. And there is nothing wrong with having an attractive and likeable protagonist. I get that these characters are meant to be escapism for the reader. Teenage girls want to BE that character, right?

But what if they don’t?

There is no way my teenage self could relate to a character like that. In fact, I was so far removed from all those things that  I didn’t even bother WANTING to be like that. It never even occurred to me as an option.

Surely, I’m not alone. There are plenty of other oddballs and weirdos and freaks out there who just aren’t going to be interested in reading about characters which they have no desire to relate to.

In How to Disappear Completely, the protagonist isn’t especially pretty. She’s certainly not popular. Nor does she want to be. She’s not trying to please anyone. She is only trying to be herself. Her strength does not come from an ability to make boys like her. It comes from her ability to not give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of her.

Now THAT is something I would like to relate to.

So, to all the people out there who don’t fit in, to all the people who have been called weirdos and freaks, to all the people who were unpopular at school and didn’t give a fuck:

 

This book is for you.